My pain is so deep some days not even a therapist can touch it.

Another adoptee kills himself in Korea after being deported in 2012. But he was adopted by US Citizens but his citizenship was never granted to him.

A 14 year old adoptee kills herself and the obituary says something like “heaven has gained a new angel”.

That is bullshit. Heaven gained a person who was pained. And the US was the killer.

Adoptee lives don’t matter. They never have mattered and they never will matter. When I was adopted, there was no follow-up. Had there been follow-up, I would have been removed from the home.

As long as countries continue to sell and buy children, the lives of adoptees stop mattering.

So many adoptees were sought out, their parents manipulated and coerced and their parents promised a “better” life for these kids.

Adoptees are promised a better life, it just comes with the package. And this “better” life comes with baggage. But we didn’t have a choice of who we wanted to stay with, to live with, to be raised by. We were shipped on a plane and landed in this new world and forced to assimilate.

Some mothers overseas were told there kids were going to boarding schools and would return when done.

Oh some returned alright…but not to be a “Family” again. The world family was stolen from them the minute they were purchased….for a large sum I might add. Tens of thousands of dollars.

We are expensive.

International adoptions are pricey.

But what ends up being more expensive are the therapy bills we adoptees wrack up. We pay them because we are broken.

The great loss that comes with adoption can only be felt by two parties-the first/birth/real family and the adoptee.

The adoptive parent only gains.

They gain a child who they can pretend are their own. They gain clout, they gain the ability to say “look, I have kids of color and therefore I can’t be racist.”

They gain the ability to mold many “difficult” children into their image and likeness.

They gain the ability to say “I saved this one.”

Nothing about adoption is natural. Even in the Bible those who were adopted were in kinship adoption. Those who were adopted returned to their roots.

And why are the mothers not being cared for here? Taking care of the orphan and widow is the command, not separating them.

It pains me to know that so many adoptees suffer. Even those who come from remotely positive adoption experiences still carry the loss and pain. They still hurt. They hurt deep down in their stomach, and deep down in their soul. And their pockets are suffering because some run out of money to pay the therapy bills.

It kills me to hear about another adoptee’s suicide.

That is a trigger for me, someone who had ideations, and attempted suicide in her teens finds herself wanting to be in the presence of the woman who spent years looking for her lost daughter.

Me.

I was stolen.

I was trafficked.

Everything about my identity is fake.

And NO ONE gives a fuck.

“You’ll be ok, you are strong”-people say. But it does not change how I feel. It does not change my story. The only thing it changes is how THEY feel about me.

But I feel helpless. I feel hopeless.

To top it off-I’m limited, I have no Citizenship and when I try to visit the country of my birth, I am mocked, humiliated and denied entry.

There are days I can’t breathe because the lies of my existence suffocates me. And yet I am very much aware that none of this is my fault.

Being stolen, trafficked, abused, misplaced, confused, a lie.

All these things-none of them are my fault.

And they are heavy.

My brain hurts trying to rationalize something that is so irrational.

My therapists are not able to help me because everything they suggest is already something I do or have done.

So I succumb to going on a hunger strike in order to get senators and law makers to listen and understand my pain.

Our pain.

People adopted by US Citizens, no matter where they live or how they entered into the US, or even if they didn’t enter as kids, should be treated equally. They should have the SAME rights as their biological children. They should be free to travel around the world. They should not be deported after committing a crime but instead serve time like any other citizen of the United States of America.

Right now….this is NOT the case and I am trying so hard to raise awareness.

I’ve been working on this and have been denied my rights for over 30 years….it is time to get my rights….it is time for me to have my citizenship. It is time for EVERY adoptee to be granted citizenship.

No More DEATH

Only LIFE because #adopteerightsmatter