Yesterday I had a very scary experience with my biological family. I saw a side of them that made me not want to be a part of their lives anymore.
The experience awakened me to the need to re-parent myself. For so long, I had to be the grown up in my family and since I grew up in an abusive home, I was also the black sheep. But my role changed with the years. One year I was the golden child (if i behaved) and the next year I was the scapegoat (this is where I currently sit) and then there was a year I remained the black sheep for a long time. I was never LOVED.
I very seldom got the chance to be a kid. I look at photos and on the outside people will say “awe, how cute…look at that smile.” But on the inside, i remember every event on that particular day. I remember the forced smiles for pictures. I remember the abuse…I remember the bullying in school by a female classmate who would pinch me so hard it would draw blood. My AP’s response “they are just jealous of you.”…..
I remember the desire to walk around with my white father leaving me at an early age after I received a hit to the back of my head with an orange. My only thought was they were trying to hit him—he is white, with a black daughter, in the eyes of the locals, that only meant 1 thing. Child sex trafficking. And ironically it was happening, it did happen, just not the way it was expected.
I remember so many things as an adopted child. In fact, the memories are so much clearer now as an adult. For so long I buried these memories deep…..my way of surviving…my way of trying to thrive.
So I am here to announce that I am taking 21 days to work on re-parenting myself. I have been NO CONTACT with my AF for about a year, and NC with my AM for over 6 years. It has been amazing.
Some of you for many reasons have chosen to go NC with your family; maybe they don’t respect your adopted kids, maybe they were abusive to you, maybe you are just at different levels….for whatever reason, maybe it is time to re-parent yourself.
Maybe it is time to take that challenge. I feel blessed to know Tali Love. She runs a group (that I am a part of) and it is a group where I feel comfortable talking about my pain….but not just that, Tali encourages us to be proactive and not to wallow in the pain but to find purpose. Tali is the real deal. I’ve listened to her speak, I’ve listened to her podcasts and her interviews, and I’ve participated in events that really helped me think about what I WANT out of this life even though I was bruised and battered emotionally, and also physically.
I know there are members in this group who need to re-parent themselves. I encourage you to get into contact with Tali Love because she has this amazing workbook that I start TODAY!
Just like I NEED to make my 5000 steps every single day, I NEED to dedicate 21 days to begin the process of re-parenting myself. I wish I had this workbook years ago but i have it now and I WILL be successful.
Consider joining me on this journey. Contact Tali love…..she makes all the difference.