This is my adoptive mother that I went No Contact with back in 2010, a few months after I wrote my first Children’s book. I went No Contact with her because of her untreated NPD and her “I saved you” complex. I also went No Contact with her because she never wanted to hear or get to know me. She loved the idea of me, but she never wanted to get to know me.
The more I grow and mature, the more I realized that I made the best decision in the world. I am learning more and more about how much my biological family tried to get me back. I was their baby. I am now their adult relative.
I also learned last year of how both this woman and her husband/doormat paid someone to fake documents to get me out of my country of birth. As I look at the adoption papers, I see so many errors, so many inconsistencies, so many lies.
I’m done with lies.
I’m done with mistakes that could have been prevented.
I’m done with them.
Some reading this will say “your parents were great, you are just ungreatful”. My question to you would be how would you feel if they did this to you and your birth family? How would you feel if they took your child and fought to keep you away.
I must remind everyone here. YES! I was in an orphanage. But you must understand that orphanages are not created to adopt children out. The purpose of an orphanage is to house children and feed them and educate them until their REAL parents can return.
Unfortunately my story is not unique. For those who are thinking of adopting, please look for the RED FLAGs. If you do not think about the signs, your children who become adults will suffer.
1. Inconsistencies in the paper work
2. The “I didn’t know” claim-most, not all are false because in adoption, the adoptive parent will go to any length to make YOU theirs.
3. The cost of your child
4. If you KNOW the parents are alive…..FIND THEM. Don’t invent new ones.
There are so many more red flags. Keep your eyes open!
To top it off, this woman also paid a mother for her twin babies. This woman claims they were ill, and poor, but conversations with older siblings prove otherwise.
This woman also adopted a special needs kid. Can’t see, Talk, or walk. This woman lives in guatemala with her lover. Why is she not loving on the special needs kid? Because it was all for show. I never saw her change his diaper (she hired people to do that-or me when i got grounded, that was my punishment), I never saw her really love him. and he was NOT a part of the family…..EVER! But when people who were going to give money to her cause showed up at the home, there he was, all dressed nicely sitting in a wheel chair.
This woman is the perfect example of intent vs impact. She may have had “good” intentions but the impact was scaring many forever. She didn’t just hurt me, she hurt so many people. Her lover was also insanely abusive, he tried to take the place of my adoptive father.
So, why am i smiling in this picture? Because as an adoptee, you have to. You have to make it look like you are happy. I was in my 20s there and I remember fighting with her about my pink shirt. She told me it was too slutty because my bra was showing. I was 20 for Christ sake.
Does she love me? No! She loves the idea of me. She hates that I have thrived in spite of her. I had to fight for a green card. Something they should have provided upon my adoption. Yes, you heard it right. No US Citizenship?
That is correct. According to my adoptive father “you were not a priority back then”….back when? When I was 3 years old and you ripped me out of my real mom’s hands so that you could parent me better than she could? You went to all that length just to not make me a priority?
Am I angry? Yes. Will I forgive this? No! Because forgiveness is like a band-aid that backfires-some wounds need to breathe.
So where do I go from here? I begin slowly to love on the new family I have found-the new family that should have been old. The family that spent 20+ years looking for me after these horrible people took me away.
Wealth, Religion, or the Color of your skin should NEVER be a good enough reason to adopt.
Poverty, lack of education, or the Color of your skin should NEVER be a good enough reason to lose a child.
Follow me on my journey of new discovery!
Thank you facebook for this memory. Instead of tucking it away as I’ve done for years each time it pops up….i’m letting it be a reminder of what I never ever want to be.