Today, I am Broken


Today, I am broken. I am broken because even though I knew my adoptive mother was and is an insane narcissist, I was starting to forgive her so that I could move on. Because you know, forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you (us).

But today, after having a very open and candid conversation with a long-time friend, I learned that not only was my adoptive mother a narcissist, but that she blackmailed my adoptive father. She forced him to do something that has shaped the last 20 years of his life as a father, as a husband, as a man.

Today I learned that my adoptive father caught my adoptive mother having sex with her business partner…..he was greatly affected by it and turned to leave. He threatened to divorce but she had all the power. And then…she told him that the only way for him to be able to be “part of the family”, meant he would have to have sex with the business partner as well.


This bothers me for many different reasons. When I was younger I was sexually abused and one of my brothers caught the older boy abusing me and somehow enticed him to participate so that therefore, he could not “tell”. 

I learned that my NM, this sick, psychopath, and sociopath, this disgusting manipulator used sex and violation to shut my adoptive father up.

I knew she was capable of horrible things. And I began to piece together her involvement in the home invasion that happened when I was in my teens. But NEVER would I have even imagined the role she would play in sexually abusing my adoptive father-a person I can’t even stop loving even though he too is an asshole in many different ways.

I knew she was insane, but never have I ever even imagined that she would blackmail him into doing something so emotionally and physically against nature. So damaging….so hurtful….so sociopathic.

I don’t care if they chose to be a “3-some”….that is not the point of my post. But blackmail was used….now, because he had sex with the both of them, he can no longer “tell”.

This bothers me to the core. It bothers be because I have been there. It is embarrassing to think that sex was used to control him…and me.

I also learned today that my physically disabled brother who was adopted from Haiti was not adopted because they wanted to love him. He was adopted because my NM was promised about 125, 000 dollars for every child that was adopted.

You know my story. You know I was trafficked. You know there was coercion involved. I know that my adoption was not a good one. But to adopted a disabled boy for money…..WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK?

So my brother was purchased, my 2 foster siblings were also purchased (they went in search of children on a mounting. Looking for real mothers to give up their kids) and my adoptive father was violated….ALL by the same woman.

How do I wrap my mind around this insanity? I knew my adoptive mother was insane, but this is a whole new level of insanity….I had no idea.

My father didn’t deserve this. My disabled Haitian brother didn’t deserve this. My 2 foster siblings didn’t deserve this.

He was a pawn….they were pawns…I was a pawn.

Fuck this life! Is there a better one after I die?

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